Weapons of Maz-Destruction

While I am not naturally a hostile person, I am still human, and I still have the urge to punch people, things, actions, sounds, etc. in the face. I have pet peeves. There are things that make me crazy and want to explode, like a weapon of mass destruction. Some triggers are weirder than others; but here’s just a little list of things that bother me endlessly that I feel need to be addressed.

Bracelets/Keys: I absolutely HATE the sound that bracelets and keys make when they clink against each other. It makes me cringe and throw up in my mouth (not really). I wear bracelets, so I guess I’m a masochist in that realm, but the sound is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Being broke: Major pet peeve, this might be universal though. I don’t think anyone likes being broke. I just extra hate it because I have such expensive taste (#fabuluxe) and want to spend all of the money that I don’t have.

Bad liars: If you are going to be a liar, at least be good at it. If you are a really sh*tty liar and you tell me things that I know or can easily find out are lies. Get the hell out of here. Just go. Your actions are an insult to my superior intellect. Ask to borrow someone else’s watch, because I have no time for you.

People who use both of the washers at peak laundry times: We have two washers for over 60 people. Have some common courtesy for those around you. My laundry is just as important as yours and you’re a tyrant. You think you’re the King/Queen of the washer; that you can just take total domination of our entire facility. News flash, now I’m wearing that pair of jeans for the fifth day in a row, thanks very much.

Cars who don’t yield to pedestrians when I am the pedestrian: Honestly, just hit me. Pay my college tuition, please. Or kindly, slow your ass down. It is negative 45 billion degrees outside and I’m walking. You’re in your nice warm car, while I’m out here freezing just trying to make my way down town like Vanessa Carlton, the least you could let me do is cross the street to get into my warm house faster.

Pedestrians when I’m the driver: If I’m gonna stop the flow of traffic to let your ass cross the street: knees to chest b*tch! I want to see you running across that damn street. Don’t waste my time.

People who don’t take hints well: If I am blatantly ignoring you. WALK AWAY. I am genuinely uninterested in a conversation. I’m not playing it cool. I really don’t care to talk to you.

Taylor Swift: Just ew. I’m not going to say that she isn’t good at what she does, but I am just a big “no” when it comes to her. No thank you, please. I get mad at myself when her songs get stuck in my head. I just can’t help it that her songs are damn catchy. Which pisses me off even more.

Hot food: I know, this one is weird. But, temperature hot food is so annoying. How do you even enjoy it when your taste buds are sizzling in the fire pits of Hell? I just can’t do ultra hot food. I am most definitely a room temperature-cold food kind of gal.

Being called lazy in regard to getting schoolwork done: If you want to comment on the life that you think I lead, get to know me for more than five minutes. I don’t need to toot my own horn here because the work that I do and the grades/recognition that I earn speak volumes. What I do have to say is, if I want to watch an entire damn season of Netflix in a day, that is none of your business. Just because I don’t spend my days talking out loud to hear my own voice or spend my nights crying over how much work I haven’t done yet, does not mean that the work I had didn’t exist at some point. I’m sorry that I don’t feel the need to justify my excellent time management to you, if that’s something you would like to discuss, I can pencil you in for a meeting next Wednesday, right after I catch up on my favorite past-time of mentally telling you to go f*ck yourself.

Cell phones at the table: Turn your phone off. Talk to me. I guarantee that your phone will be there in 20 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour. I also guarantee that the person who you are waiting to hear from is not even an eighth as entertaining via tweet, text, email or snapchat as I am in the flesh, face to face.

People who join in while I’m singing: No B*tch. NO. This was my time. It was my solo. Back off.

People who don’t follow through and don’t give a reason why they didn’t follow through: LET ME KNOW. That is all I want. If you’re gonna d*ck me over, at least tell me why. That is the very least you could do. I know that life happens and I understand that things come up, so keep me in the loop so I don’t just think you’re an assh*le.

Calories in general: All of my favorite things have the most calories and moderation is not easy when I have a whole jar of peanut butter in the cabinet waiting to be eaten. Can’t we all just agree that we want loose relationships with the unhealthy foods. Why should we have to put labels on what we are? Especially when that label includes calories per serving.

Honestly, this probably isn’t even the half of it, but the list was getting a bit long. So what? I have some weird dislikes. Just wait until I make a list of all of the weird things that I find oddly charming, you won’t know what hit you.

And the fans answered:

What about you? Can you relate to any of these pet peeves? What really grinds your gears?


3 thoughts on “Weapons of Maz-Destruction

  1. Pingback: I Don’t Want to Be Right | mazforthefanz

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