Okay, it’s not actually an ode, but worth the read, nevertheless. A highly debated topic among my closest circle at the moment is the man bun.
Is it okay for a guy to wear a bun higher than mine? Is it okay that he probably owns more ponytail holders than I can find at the bottom of my make up bag? What are the qualifications of a man bun? Is there such thing as a boy bun? What’s the difference?
These hard hitting questions have kept me up all night. I have theorized, philosophized and postulated; and I finally think that I’ve come up with some relevant points to be made.
Man buns should be given a chance. I attend a university that has increasingly become home to many man bun sightings; some bad, some that give me bun envy and some that make me want to go directly up to the owner of said bun and kiss them on the mouth repeatedly. Although I was originally a hardcore nay-sayer to man buns, I have expanded my horizons. I must say, the blame for that goes directly to a green-eyed, dimpled, British boy who has the voice of an angel (*Cough* Harry Styles). His man bun opened my eyes to their potential.
Stipulations of a good man bun:
The most important thing a guy who tries to rock a man bun must possess, besides luscious locks and excellent products, is a great face. If a guy has a less than stellar face and tries to sport the bun, I’m out. Put me down as uninterested.
Another important draw would be looking clean. If I spot a man bun on someone who (1) looks like he has more grease in his hair than the pizza I had for dinner or (2) looks like someone who I would hold my breath when he walks by to avoid smelling; there’s little to no chance that I would be drawn in by the trend. I would be skeeved out. If he rocks a grunge style, that’s cool, but please try your hardest to look like you shower regularly.
Variations of the Man Bun:
Half Man Bun: This can be hit or miss for the same reasons as the full on man bun. This usually looks best when the bun sporter is in a growing out phase with his hair, not too long, not too short. If you have super long hair and try for the half bun, it’s a total hit or miss scenario, there is no in between. You will most likely look like Legolas from the Lord of the Rings, but not as hot as Orlando Bloom, thus why bother?
The Manband (Man Headband): To be frank, this may be my favorite of the new man hair trends. I don’t know what it is about watching the sweaty guys at the gym that have their headbands on. Maybe it’s an Aaron Samuels thing (“You look sexy with your hair pushed back”). Or maybe it’s the fact that they are glistening and flexing and I am falling off of the treadmill because I’m slipping on my drool. Tough call.
All in all, I’d have to say, I definitely think that man bun is an acquired taste. For me, most of the time I am still a firm “no thank you,” but on the off chance that the man meets my set stipulations, watch me cruise into his DMs.
I can’t lie, the idea behind this post was to write a poem about man buns; so I started to write an actual ode. It was just so bad that I couldn’t continue, but I felt that I had to share it:
Although I think it’s just a phase I’m going through,
I just can’t get over that man’s up-do.
Call it the time, call it the place,
His hair just looks so perfect out of his face.
It was right about then that I realized: I am not a natural born poet. The rhymes are phenomenal, but the content is horrendous.