If Thanksgiving Dinner Could Talk…

*Spoiler Alert* It was very late, I was very tired and a little hungry (at the time of writing this post). I really don’t know why this post happened or where it came from, but keeping with a mini-Thanksgiving theme, I decided that I was going to make a list of the foods I eat on the holiday and what clique they would join in high school, if they were people.

Here goes nothing:

Turkey – Turkey is definitely the jock, maybe the quarterback of a really good (American) football team, everyone wants to know Turkey, befriend Turkey and hang out with Turkey. Turkey is the MVP.

Gravy – Gravy is kind of a slut. She’s always hanging around Turkey. Some people love the way that Gravy and Turkey are together, but others just think that Gravy takes away from the value of Turkey and think that Turkey would be much better without her. When Turkey is gone, Gravy definitely gets around.

Stuffing – Stuffing is like Turkey’s little brother. Although the two are not very similar, they are both very popular. Stuffing is usually up Turkey’s ass, and that’s probably how Stuffing also got so popular. Stuffing is probably the artsy sibling, kind of a free spirit, not as precisely measured, but Turkey’s popularity rubbed off on him.

Mashed Potatoes – Mashed Potatoes would definitely be the stoner rival to Turkey’s clean cut persona, probably the class clown as well. Sometimes when Turkey doesn’t give Gravy what she needs, Gravy will slum it with Mashed Potatoes. Mashed Potatoes has that sense of cool without really trying. He is also very flexible and go with the flow, probably a skate boarder.

Green Bean Casserole – Green Bean Casserole is the president of the drama club for sure. Definitely a great actor. Green Bean Casserole probably tells everyone that she is a vegetarian and super health conscious, when in actuality she’s secretly stopping by the fast food place after school to grab an order of onion rings.

Corn – Corn is the president of the AV Club. Definitely wears suspenders and glasses.

Yams – Yams is the misunderstood one. Over the years, people thought they knew yams, then they forgot how much they liked him back in the day. Sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that they never really stopped liking Yams, they only just avoided him for a while because of the way he looked.

Cranberry Sauce – Cranberry Sauce is the know-it-all. Cranberry sauce is the one who is a snooty b*tch, that’s very tart, she thinks that she is a cut above the rest, when in reality she’s just as manufactured, if not more so, than everyone else.

Pumpkin Pie – Pumpkin Pie is definitely a cheerleader. Pumpkin Pie is the sweetest girl in school. She is voted homecoming and prom queen every year because everyone just loves Pumpkin Pie.

I tried to cover all of my basic foods at Thanksgiving. I hope I didn’t miss any major ones! Hope that everyone is starting their pre-Thanksgiving fast so that they can have the most food possible on the big day!



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