Odontophobia, or the fear of the dentist, is a real thing. It’s a real thing that’s real and it’s a real thing that I have. I am afraid of going to the dentist and always have been. When I was about 12, the dentist’s receptionist would call my house to confirm my appointments and I would pretend to be my mom and I would cancel them. I got caught and in a lot of trouble, but I really, really, really hate going.

It’s nothing against my actual dentist, because actually, he’s a really nice guy. He’s very friendly. Maybe too friendly, because when I’m sitting in the chair with some else’s hands in my mouth, it’s kind of hard to keep up a conversation. I haven’t mastered the art of blinking morse code yet. Please stop asking me about school. You don’t really care, and currently I’m flouride-ing. I’m also trying not to sh*t myself because I feel like I’m going to pass out, vomit and cry all at once. I’m trapped in this little box of a room, tethered to the chair via drool bib with no immediate sign of rescue coming.

I have to admit, the generic teeth cleaning, that’s not so bad. It’s all of the other stuff that scares me though.

I was blessed with very beautiful, straight, decently white, and totally f*cked up teeth. I cannot blame it on anything but genetics, because I brush, floss and mouth wash twice a day. I still tend to get cavities very easily and because of my fear, I put off getting them filled. I had to get my first root canal this year because I waited so long to get my cavity filled. Hands down, one of the worst experiences of my life. I just know that every time I get to the office, I will have yet another cavity, they are going to reprimand me and tell me to stop drinking soda and eating sweets. But B*ITCH, I haven’t touched soda in years, and try to take chocolate away from me, I’ll cut you faster than a sous chef in Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen.

All of that being said, I have a dentist appointment today and I’m going to have the nervous sweats all day until it’s over.



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