12 Days of Christmas: A Modern Tale

Christmas is officially 12 days away! This got me thinking about the famous holiday song, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” I had this thought that although the sentiment is sweet; the whole true love buying his/her sweetheart all that stuff to prove their love, but WTF. Who on earth would want “eight maids-a-milking”? What on earth am I going to do with 8 cow-milking b*tches?

So, in order to help the lyricist out, I made a list of modern day things that would probably be more persuasive if someone was trying to buy my love. The song should really go:

“On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

Twelve billion dollars,

Eleven lamborghinis,

Ten personal servants,

Nine trips to Europe,

Eight private airplanes,

Seven otters swimming,

Six hot male models,

Five golden rings (those can stay),

Four Cristal bottles,

Three French men,

Two leather gloves,

And a certificate that says I am debt free (pay my student loans so I know it’s real).”

Good luck to the high roller who tries to woo me this Christmas season!


I hope you have all buckled up, because if you thought that my Thanksgiving week blogs were great, just wait until you see what I have in store for the 12 Days of Christmas. ABC family ain’t got nothing on me.



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