Reindeer Are Real Ass*oles

Welcome to day 3 of the 12 Days of Christ-Maz! Today is all about Christmas movies!

A big aspect of Christmas, at least in my house growing up, was Christmas movies, and I’m not talking any sh*tty new movies that come out around this time in the Hallmark channel. I’m talking, the sh*tty movies that have been out for years. Nothing can beat a poorly animated tale about how Christmas came to be. These movies also often have some sort of moral to convey, something good about Christmas besides gifts and cookies. I do have to say though, sometimes I learned other things from these movies.

So, here I give you a list of some of my favorite Christmas movies, the message they were supposed to convey, and the actual message that I received:

Frosty the Snowman

Life Lesson: Enjoy life, live for the now because it could be over in an instant.

What I learned: Being friends with a snowman will either earn you hypothermia or leave you friendless at the first sign of sun.

Home Alone

Life Lesson: Family will always find a way back to each other.

What I learned: You can conduct a total CIA booby trap from the comfort of your own home with everyday household items. Look out burglars of the world. I’ve got a set of thumb tacks, an iron and some glue and feathers, and I’m not afraid to use them.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Life Lesson: Don’t judge a book by its cover.

What I learned: Reindeer are real ass*oles and no one should have to wear a cap on their nose, it makes them sound funny when they talk.

A Christmas Story

Life Lesson: Life isn’t always fair, you won’t always get what you want, but sometimes, things can work out, even when you least expect it.

What I learned: Don’t lick a frozen pole.

The Year Without A Santa Claus

Life Lesson: Compromise can make the world a better place.

What I learned: The weather is actually controlled by two little gremlin things that are brothers whose mom was actually Mother Nature. I had no clue. I actually wonder who was their dad? Father Time, maybe?

And, although it’s against what I said earlier about new movies, here is my take on two modern-ish Christmas marvels:


Life Lesson: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

What I learned: If a 40 year old man can get away with wearing tights with a long shirt, no pants, so can I. Weather be damned. It’s all in the name of personal style and comfort.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Life Lesson: People can change.

What I learned: People can change, Taylor Momsen.

Happy 10 days ’til Christmas!


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