Are You Naughty or Nice?

In the Christmas celebrating community, from a young age we are taught about the naughty and nice list. We’re told that there is never any mistakes as it is checked twice. Basically, we do good or nice things throughout the year, we are lavishly rewarded with gifts and overflowing eggnog on Christmas. On the other hand, if we are naughty during the year, we supposedly get a big, stupid lump of coal in our stocking.

That sums up our two options.

But I have another idea. I think there should be an “I’m Trying My Best List.”

This list is for people like me, although we have the best of intentions to be nice, sometimes naughty is inevitable.

I spilled the cheerios all over the floor in the kitchen at 2 in the morning after having one too many glasses of wine: NAUGHTY.

I cleaned them up and bought a new box: NICE.

I told my professor that I was feeling ill so that I could skip class on my birthday, which was also the day I had a giant paper due: NAUGHTY.

I turned my paper in 3 days early to counteract the skipping: NICE.

I threatened to sh*t in my roommate’s bed because she is a heinous wench: NAUGHTY.

I did not sh*t in her bed. Even though she is still a heinous wench: NICE.

See what I mean? I’m trying my best here. There is absolutely zero way to go an entire year without doing some things that are a bit naughty, even if it’s not on purpose. I think that the point is just to not be outwardly evil to the world. That’s the only stipulation of getting onto the “I’m Trying My Best List.” Don’t be a total d*ck.


Happy 9 Days til Christmas, 3rd day of Christ-Maz and 2nd Day of Chanukah!!


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