Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

First of all, Merry F*cking Chritmas Fanz!

Today is Christmas which also means the end of the 12 Days of ChristMaz! Boo. I had too much fun staying with this theme. But to end on a light note, I decided that I would share my most favorite Christmas memory of all time. That’s right, Kanye. Maz had the best Christmas memory of all time.

To set the scene, the year was 1999, little baby Maz was five years old. I lived in a blue house with my brother, Dylan, who at the time was eight, and my mom and dad. Mine and my brother’s rooms were all the way on one end of the house, our parents’ room was on the other side of the house and in between us and them was the living room, kitchen, dining room, computer room and an extra den/TV room. The holidays were a very joyous occasion and I’m not too sure about Dylan, but I definitely still believed in Santa. At that point, we had decked all of the halls, no corner of the house lay untouched by garland or lights or bows or some festive decorations. It was our own little Christmas village.

So, to the story, on this particular Christmas, my tiny little self woke up around 4 AM. I thought that I heard something out in the living room. Naturally, I thought I was going to catch Santa in the act of placing our Christmas presents under the tree; because I felt that I had been particularly good that year and everything on my Christmas list was going to be there, I knew it might take Santa a few trips to get it all inside. So, I got up from my bed, tip-toed to my door and peeped out. I didn’t see anything unusual (I could see a part of the living room from my bedroom door, but I could not see the Christmas tree). I thought it might be safe to go out of my room. So I open my door and go around the corner and lo and behold; the entire space under and around the Christmas tree is covered in gifts. I’m talking, big boxes, small boxes, a bike with a bow on it, your typical holiday movie set. I probably stared at it in awe for about 5 minutes before I realized that I needed to open these gifts. My first thought was, OH! Go get Dylan. So I go over to his room, in my five year old glory, throw open his door and jumped on him. Woke him right up. After giving him a second to process what was happening, get him out of bed and to the Christmas tree, a total of about five more minutes had passed. Mind you, it’s still 4 AM. So, what would any five and eight year old do when confronted with an ass-load of presents?

We ran right to our parents room! We jumped on them right quick and told them that Santa was really good to us that year. We finally woke them up and to our dismay, we were promptly sent away. We were told that we had to wait until 7 AM to open our gifts. With glum expressions and heavy hearts, we left our parents to go back to bed.


We did not want to wait that long. We had to have those presents. The anticipation was killing us. We waited, probably a good 45 minutes, just sitting on the living room floor staring at everything. Finally, we couldn’t take it anymore. Dylan and I, the five and eight year old geniuses that we were, came up with a plan. It was fool-proof. We went around the house and changed every single clock to say 7 AM. We divided and conquered. I took the clocks in the den and living room and Dylan got the clocks in the kitchen and computer room. We reconvened five minutes later and high-fived over how sneaky we were.

We smugly walked back into our parents room and re-woke them. We falsely claimed that it was 7 and time for gifts. In actuality, it was just a little past 5 AM.

With bleary eyes, mom and dad groaned, got out of bed and followed us to the living room. They couldn’t protest because they thought it was 7, at least that was what all of the clocks told them. As we dragged them from their room, we passed the den and got to the kitchen.

Then we realized the ultimate mistake that we made.

We didn’t change one of the clocks in the kitchen because neither of us was tall enough to reach it. It was the tragic flaw of our plan. We were found out.

I believe it was or dad who called us out. He looked at the kitchen clock that read 5:15 AM and told us that it was not even close to 7! Oh my goodness, they were so pissed.

But since they were already up, because it was Christmas and because honestly, that plan was so ingenious for a 5 and 8 year old, they poured some mimosas and we actually got to open up the gifts. It was one of the best Christmas’s to date.

And that concludes my favorite Christmas memory. I would love it if all of the fanz shared their favorite holiday memory with me!

I hope that you all enjoyed 12 Days of ChristMaz and are also having a great day with your families today and the rest of this holiday season!

So much love,

XO, Maz


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