Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat

I am a total cat person. Actually, maybe it’s more along the lines of – between a cat and a dog, I would rather be a cat.

Cats sleep 18 hours a day. Then when they do decide to grace you with their presence, it is to eat, take a sh*t or be worshipped. That is a life that I would more than happily live, if possible. Actually, it’s not too far from the life that I do live.

Anyway, this Christmas, we decided to give my brother a kitten as a gift. We got the kitten about a week before Christmas and I was so excited to play with him before we handed him off to my brother.

The kitten was an all black cat who came with the name Sparky. To be perfectly honest I had forgotten that his name was Sparky within five minutes of my mom telling me and I started calling him Spooky. The first day he was home, he was afraid of everything. He stayed under my mom’s bed and only came out to eat. I don’t know if it was because he was in a new environment or if it was because my other cat, coincidentally named, Cat, kept hissing at him. She was being a super crazy mega b*tch. I don’t blame her really. Here comes this new little ball of fur, sucking up all the attention that she normally gets. I would be p*ssed too.

But anyway, the first day that we had Spooky, I realized something:

Kittens may as well be dogs, because this little thing was so needy. While I was asleep, he would climb up on my face and use his paws to wake me up. When I stopped petting him, he would crawl underneath my hands. If I wasn’t paying attention to him, he would climb on my laptop so that I couldn’t do whatever I was doing and had to play with him.

The worst part of it all was that he smelled weird before we gave him a bath. This inspired me though. Whenever my mom would come in and ask where he was, I would come up with a new name. The dialogue went like this:

Erin (my mom): Where’s the kitten?

Maz: You mean Smelson Mandela?

E: Have you seen the kitten?

M: Oh, you mean Smeleanor Roosevelt?

E: Did you feed Sparky?

M: Who is Sparky? OH! You meant Smelton John.

It went on and on, and each new nickname made me laugh even more than the one before. Poor little guy.


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