World’s Worst Story Teller

Hands down, I am the absolute worst story teller in the world. Odd, right? Because on a daily basis I am writing out stories for people to read. Well, that comes will editing and rearranging of words, but in my real, actual, spoken life, it takes me forever to finish out a full story.

It’s like I’ll start the story; “So, this one time I was with my friend…” And then I’ll stop and rethink what I just said, “Well, she isn’t my friend, she’s sort of my cousin, but not exactly…” And then I will have to give the exact details as to how this could be: “Well, my mom’s sister is married to her mom’s brother, so it’s like she’s my cousin’s cousin, but we call each other cousins, because we pretty much are but not by blood, just by marriage…”

“So, wait, are we actually cousins? How does that work? Are we second or third cousins? That whole thing confuses me. Like, how is a cousin twice ‘removed’ from you? Well, whatever, we’ll just say cousins.”

Then I’ll realize that I’ve strayed from the story totally. And try to get back on track: “So, as I was saying, my cousin and I were at this bar.”

Uh oh, another grand pause.

“Well, it was kind of a bar, kind of a pub – they did serve food – kind of a hole in the wall place. We were in London. Did I ever mention that I lived in London? Yeah, I actually have lived there twice, once in high school and once in college…..” Then I’ll talk in that circle for about 25 minutes.

By the time that I realize that I never finished the original story, it’s probably been about 45 minutes and more likely than not, I have no idea what I originally even wanted to say. So, I delve into a different story and the process starts all over again. Usually by the third time I do it, I remember the end of the very first story that I was trying to tell.

“So, this one time I was at a bar with my cousin and we figured out that even though Harry sometimes looks like a lesbian, we’re not that bothered by it.”


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