Really Stupid Obvious Things We Do to Hide A…

So this whole post is going to be totally hypothetical because I would never let this happen to me. I’m basically a patron saint and no impurities will ever tarnish my transcended form.

But this post is all about hickies.

Let us first start off with a capital; EW.

Okay, hickies are gross. But they happen. A hickey or a love bite or a whatever else you want to call it, is more or less, just a bruise. Hypothetically speaking of course, I have very fair skin that bruises basically on contact, so although I will never ever, ever, ever get a hickey, it would be really easy for it to happen, but again, it will never happen to me and I definitely don’t know how f*cking painful and annoying they can be after the fact either.

I digress:

So anyway, I’m going to tell you what you shouldn’t do, because most people are so damn obvious.

DON’T #1

Don’t start being an avid scarf or turtleneck wearer if you aren’t normally. That’s like a definite giveaway. If I have never once seen you sport a hidden neck, and one day you roll up to the spot looking like Justin Timberlake circa the frosted tips era, I know you’ve been up to no good.

DON’T #2

Don’t put a band-aid over it. You’re literally telling the world that the hickey exists and that you want everyone to know about it. If that’s the case, you’ll do better just letting it show and be free in the wind because at least then it will go away faster. The band-aid near or around the facial area is something that should never be done, but would be marginally accepted as normal if you were Nelly.

DON’T #3

Unless it’s true that you actually burned yourself with a curling iron or got hit in the neck with a baseball, don’t leave it uncovered and on display to the world. That’s tacky. Because honestly, even if it really wasn’t a hickey and you really did receive a vicious neck bruise, chances are that I won’t believe you anyway. So let’s just say, always cover up a neck bruise. Hickey or not. Or suffer the ridicule.

My biggest DO:

Just find the appropriate color cover up and handle the situation. Don’t put it on display. And unless it was really, really worth it, next time put a stop to it before the bruise can appear. Because ow and ew. Fun at the time, nasty the next day.

As always, stay classy. XOXO Maz.

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