I really hope that everyone just got my Dumb and Dumber reference by the title.
If not, here you go:
Anyway, as annoying as that sound may be, I have to say that nothing, I mean nothing, could be worse than a sound made by the guy who sat himself right on down and got comfortable at the table right next to me during seminar last night.
I was totally content in the third row, just far enough from the tutor that I could check my phone surreptitiously and just close enough that I could still seem engaged in the class. I had the row to myself and no one was bothering me.
That is, no one was bothering me until Violet f*cking Beauregarde (that’s what we’ll call him) plants his totally unaware ass right next to me.
Okay, first of all, he was 10 minutes late. That’s rude.
Second of all, there was an entire damn row. What about me screams, “please invade my personal space!”?
And third of all, he was committing one of the worst crimes. He was chewing his gum like a cow. I mean, he was really going for it. Full on slapping it around like there was no tomorrow. Chewing that gum like it was the last piece on earth. I’m talking chomps, for sure.
I’m sorry but Jim Carey has absolutely nothing on the noise that this dude was making. I didn’t know whether to ask him to stop or just stare him down until he got the hint. Surprisingly, I opted for silence. What I wasn’t expecting was for a guy in the row in front of us to turn full around and freeze over the fiery pits of hell with a glare at the cow chewer.
Helga Patacki (like seriously, I think this dude was using the gum to build a shrine of Arnold in his closet) filly got the hint and stopped his actions, thankfully.
I honestly spent more than half of the lesson so distracted by that damn noise.
This is a PSA to gum chewers: KEEP IT THE F*CK DOWN. Thank you.