Stay With the Group

I never feel more alive than when I get show off. This weekend has given me the perfect opportunity to do just that.

I have some friends staying with me for the weekend and they have asked me to be their tour guide. Well, maybe they didn’t ask, as much as I basically screamed “LET ME SHOW YOU EVERYTHING!” when I found out that they were coming.

I have opted to take them on some scenic walking tours to some of my favorite locations. I’m talking, all of the palaces and parks, the best markets, the obvious tourist attractions, and then my favorite part of the day: the night. All of the best pubs, clubs and taverns that the city has to offer.

I feel like I need to have a flag to carry around, like I see other tour guides doing. I want my flag to be basically a pirate flag. Except, instead of a skull, I want Harry Styles’ face and two images of Big Ben in the shape of an “X” acting as the cross bones. I also want the flag to be a union Jack instead of a black background. So I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t really want a pirate flag at all.

I think that the best part of my tour is that I am going to bombard them with so much information, they won’t know what hit them. Now, this isn’t to say that I’ll actually have any factual evidence to give them, it’s going to pretty much be whatever comes out of my mouth as we walk past a monument. So if I happen to slip in that there was originally a female member of “The Beatles” who was dropped when they were signed because the label felt that she was bad for the image of the band as we walk across Abbey Road… who’s going to call me on it? My guess, no one, if I can make my stories sound legit.

It’s not about what you know, it’s about how well you say what you don’t know.

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