Fifty Shades of What?

So, by now, I think that everyone knows about the 50 Shades of Grey and if you don’t, well, where have you been? Basically it is a movie (actually it’s a Twilight fan fiction with the names changed and the vampirism taken out), about a couple in a very physical relationship. They are into some weird sh*t. BDSM, the whole nine yards.

This is a concept that has been visited in low-key erotic novels and crime shows like CSI (Did you ever notice that in every version of CSI, there is a case where someone is murdered at an underground BDSM brothel?). Call me conservative, but getting punched in the face or choked or whipped or having to call someone master or whatever other crazy sh*t happens, it doesn’t exactly give me butterflies. But, I digress, there are lots of people who are into it.

This all has a point, I swear! So, my friends came into town last weekend. I figured, okay, perfect. They’re coming on a Thursday, we can go down town to the Borrough Market, check out a few cool pubs before heading to a place with music and dancing. I had a really great time doing something similar a few months ago and was ready to try a few of the bars again.

I took them to this really cool place that I remembered. When I went before, there were barely any people there. The lights were dim, there were some hotties playing darts. It was a quiet place that was good to have a pint and chat.

Well. This time was a bit different. There were a ton of people! I thought that it was a little weird, but chalked it up to the fact that the last time I was there, it was a Saturday at around 11:30PM. This time, it was a Thursday at about 8:30, that’s when the city really starts to come to life. Anyway, we go into the pub, we snake through the giant crowd and finally get up to the bar and order our ciders. Cool. Perfect. Great.

As we are standing off to the side, a middle aged guy approaches us. Me, being me, I roll my eyes internally and think, oh great, it’s already starting. Three young girls, and a mixed age bar, this was bound to happen.

Well, what I wasn’t expecting was that he was wearing a “GREETER” badge and for him to ask us if we were there for the event.

OH! There was like a company event or something! That’s why there were so many people that looked like they were middle-aged and just got off of work here. That makes sense!

Wrong.

We said no, and he then proceeded to inform us that the half of the bar where we happened to be standing was an ongoing event for people interested in kinky sex.

OH. MY. GOD.

What the actual f*ck?

The bar was PACKED to the brim with some freaky ass people.

And we just got our beers.

So, naturally, we sat down at a table on the other side of the pub, away from the event to finish our drinks. We were only approached two other times and hard-core stared at by this dude in a red sweater for basically the duration. One guy called us all vanilla. And we had no idea what that meant. When I Urban Dictionary’d it, it made sense.

Lesson learned: make sure you look up to see if you are accidentally taking your friends to a kinky thursday event, prior to purchasing a drink.

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