To the Fan on the Rebound~

Question:

What do I do if I like my best guy friend & he likes me too but it is the wrong timing? I just ended things recently with an ex and I don’t want him to be a rebound & I’m afraid of getting hurt again. I basically told him I didn’t want to hold him back & he went on a date with someone.

Answer:

Hey babe,

So, unfortunately, I think that this a trap that a lot of people fall in to. By no fault of the person that we like, but just by how our brains work. It is a human instinct to avoid pain and one of the ways to do that is to never open yourself up to vulnerability. I don’t know how many times I let someone walk away or never owned up to my feelings because “the timing was wrong”. But it’s now to the point where I would have to ask myself, will the timing ever be right?

You can always find a reason to say no. That’s easy. That’s safe. It’s what happens when you finally take the leap and say yes, and open yourself up to the crazy world of uncertainty, that’s when you find out if the timing is right or wrong.

In regard to this specific situation, you can’t fault the guy for going on a date. Boys are literal people. If we tell them something like “I don’t want to hold you back,” they take that literally. They don’t see the hidden message of, “please wait for me, I need a little bit longer to understand this situation that we’re in.” I think that it is important that you tell him about your concerns directly, and see how he responds as opposed to blanket statements. Let him know that you don’t want him to be a rebound. From the sounds of it though, these feelings probably run deeper than a rebound. Especially if you are already best friends. You already have some type of emotional connection.

Another thing to be considered is: are you sure that this isn’t coming about because you are lonely after the break up? Or were these feelings existent prior to ending things with the ex? If it is the former situation, then I definitely say, give yourself a little more time, and just let your best friend know that you are sorting things out, you don’t want to string him along, but you still need to think things through. If it is the latter, well, then I say, timing is not everything. You never know, this could be one of the best relationships of your life and right now you are missing out on that because you are too worried about the past that you are denying yourself a chance for a happiness right now and in the future.

I hope that this has helped you in someway, even if only to validate how you are currently feeling. I would really love to know what you decide! Definitely give me an update!

XO, Maz

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