Qualities of a Great Friend

You’re a great friend if you ask me before posting or tagging me in that picture where I look like a psycho hose beast.

You’re a great friend if you help me plan a totally swanky VIP party, filled with music, dancing, a frozen yogurt bar, a champagne glass tower, a slip n’ slide, and every other reckless idea for the one day hypothetical launch of a business that we’ve only hypothetically spoken about.

You’re a great friend if you text me after seeing that totally angsty subtweet to that guy that I’m sort of seeing or crushing on and tell me to cut the bullish*t out because I’m too good for him.

You’re a great friend if you see that I’m having a bad hair day, but you don’t acknowledge it because you know that I’m sensitive about it.

You’re a great friend if you actually reply to my #replychugs on snapchat.

You’re a great friend if you covertly start giving me water at some point in the night, when I really shouldn’t have another drink.

You’re a great friend if you recognize when I’m acting crazy strictly because I’m hungry, and you suggest a snack break. #haveasnickers #you’renotyouwhenyou’rehungry

You’re a great friend if you know that when I say, “I was talking to my boyfriend earlier” I probably mean “I was tweeting at Harry Styles earlier.”

You’re a great friend if you will play dress up with me as I go through every single piece of clothing that I own and end up settling on the very first thing that I tried on.

You’re a great friend if I can call you at 3 AM, knowing that you’ll pick up just to listen to me rant about something significant that happened in pop culture that week or because I have a crazy idea for something that I want to do or craft or a place I want to visit.

You’re a great friend if you don’t judge me when I ask to hear that Whitney song one more time.

You’re a great friend if you don’t judge me when I also do the dance to the Whitney song one more time.

You’re a great friend if you yell at me instead of giving me some passive aggressive bullish*t that I’m expected to interpret in one way or another if we ever have a disagreement.

You’re a great friend if you know that although I don’t really cry, like hardly ever, I use the phrases “I’m crying” or “I’m sobbing” constantly, though they hold no truth. Similarly, you probably also know the very few things that actually do make me cry.

You’re a great friend if you know my reasons for disliking Taylor Swift, but you also understand that I make exceptions for certain songs because they are just so damn catchy and don’t comment when I’m belting them out in the club.

You’re a great friend if you know that I am only so tough on you sometimes out of love.

You’re a great friend if you don’t find my constant lip syncing challenges on snapchat weird.

You’re a great friend if you recognize that we probably get along so well because we’re both weird as f*ck.

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