I’m Feeling Very Hannah Montana Today

Nobody’s perfect. The frustration of being a 20 year old blogger living an uncensored life is so real.

It’s like I want to tell the world all of my stories. I have so many stories to tell. Some are funny. Some are sad. Some are scandalous. Some are crazy. Some are stupid. Some are thoughtful. Most of them are personal. And not all of these stories paint me out to be the perfect daughter or niece or grandchild or role model.

But, here’s the thing. I AM 20.

I make mistakes. I make huge mistakes. Frequently.

I never promised to be perfect. I never promised that I wouldn’t be stupid from time to time. I never signed up to be anyone’s golden child.

I am at an age where my job is to do well in my courses and I do. I get my work done. I don’t blow off my responsibilities. I have a good a head on my shoulders and have an impeccable skill in balancing work and play.

I am also at an age where I’m staying out all night. I’m not getting enough sleep. I’m making friends with strangers, drinking more than I probably should, and generally being young and creating life experiences that I will keep with me forever and I will also learn from them.

I can’t be someone who hides that side of me.

And I find it very frustrating that there are people in my life who look at me differently after I write about certain events.

The thing is, I am the same imperfect human that I was six months ago, before I started keeping a daily blog. I was doing other stupid things and making other kinds of mistakes. It just wasn’t so publicly noted.

And my big thing is, if you loved me then, what’s really changed?

Yeah, maybe you know a little bit more about my day to day functions, and yeah, I’m not always at the library or volunteering at a shelter or raising money for some philanthropy or staying in to knit on Friday nights. And if that was the only vision of me that you had prior to reading my very public diary, well, you just never really knew me.

I refuse to be perfect. I refuse to stand on anyone’s pedestal. I have no interest in being anyone’s little angel. I won’t give up being young or making and learning from my mistakes, just because it’s what’s expected of me. I want to and I will lead my own life and I can’t apologize for that.

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