The “Not So Secret Anymore” Secret

I am taking this blog and time to discuss something that has been really bothering me.

So, I was talking to one of my friends the other day, about love and life and dating and all the normal stuff that friends talk about. I told him about the casual dating scene in London and some of the differences from home. I mentioned that I had just started seeing a new guy, and it was going alright, we’ve been on a few dates, nothing serious, just fun.

He asked me if I had sex with the guy. And I responded with a, “no, and I probably won’t.”

My friend of course asked “why?” And I pointblank told him that I’m a virgin.

He was shocked.

And it bothers me that in today’s society, that’s a pretty normal reaction to get when you’re over the age of about 16.

Since when is it not okay to be a virgin?

And it’s not just him that has had this reaction.

I have told a good number of people over the past few weeks if it would come up in conversation (which, sex, really does come up a lot casually), and I saw a change in how I would respond and how people would react to my response.

At first, it felt so weird to tell someone. I felt like I was doing something wrong or that I was a defect. I was the odd man out because everyone else is doing it and I am not.

I was actually kind of embarrassed by it.

It felt like a dirty secret that needed to be whispered.

But, then I realized something.

Who the f*ck cares?

I’m not judging them because they have had sex. I don’t think that they’re sluts or wasted something precious, and actually I think it’s really fun to hear and exchange stories about amazing or weird or bad or crazy sexual encounters. So, why should they judge me for opposite reasons? Just because I’m a virgin, doesn’t make me a prude. It doesn’t mean that I don’t also have amazing and weird and bad and crazy stories to tell, they just don’t end in exactly the same way.

I’m still a human, I still have hormones and desires. It’s just the difference in how I act on them is all. There’s different ways to get your kicks besides a full homerun.

Why shouldn’t I be proud of it?

I am in a situation where I don’t worry about being pregnant. Ever. I’ve gone and bought the morning after pill for a few of my friends, and constantly thank the heavens that it’s not something that I’ve ever had to do for myself.

I’m not stupid enough to think that STDs can’t be transmitted in other ways besides full on sex, so that’s always still a concern, but it’s all about being smart, taking necessary precautions and asking the right questions.

I have my own personal convictions for being a virgin. I think that when the perfect time and perfect person come along, I will be 100% ready for it. Until then, I’m perfectly content with who I am and how I decide to live my hormonal 20 year old life.

I think it’s time that we stop making it such a taboo. Don’t shockingly exclaim at me “NO WAY!” or “You don’t act like a virgin!” (side note, what the hell does that even mean? How are virgins supposed to act?) when I tell you that I am one; and similarly, I won’t scream in your face “YOU’RE SO MAINSTREAM!” or “I bet you’re a slut!” when you say that you aren’t one.

Live and let live, as it were.


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