Every Lie That I Tell In A Club

Okay, so, lying is bad. I will always be the first person to say that. I don’t agree that lying is a good thing, but in some cases I make minor exceptions.

In the case of being at the club, there are just a lot of things that merit a white lie. If some homeboy is all up in my face and I am just not feeling it, I’m going to hit him (not literally) with one of my go-to club lines. I have compiled a list of all of the quick little one liners that I have told to get a guy to stop talking to me.

  • I’m engaged/married. (Usually works best when I wear my fake engagement/wedding band, and yes, I have one of those; just in case.)
  • I don’t know this song.
  • Oh my God! This is my song! *Run to friends and acts like this is the best and my most favorite song that will play tonight.*
  • *Straight up act like I can’t hear them.*
  • Sorry, I like girls.
  • My friends are looking for me, I have to go.
  • Yo no entiendo. (Spanish for: I don’t understand.)
  • I need some air.
  • I’m just about to leave.
  • *Points to some tallish/hot/intimidating looking guy nearby.* That’s my boyfriend. (Then casually go up to him, smile, flip my hair and tell him to act natural for a minute.)
  • *Points to one of my friends nearby.* That’s my girlfriend.
  • I don’t know how to dance to this.
  • I need another drink. (Usually, I absolutely do not need another drink and sometimes he’s dumb enough to actually go buy me one and then it’s a Jersey Hustle.)

I mean, normally a guy can take the hint and they accept the brush off. If they don’t and are pushy about it; normally I just tell them that I’m not interested and to leave me alone. If they persist, I dodge by fading into the crowd. If they still don’t give up, I find a bouncer or someone with authority in the club and tattle; because tattling is fine in a potentially dangerous situation. I’m not trying to be physically hurt by a random in a club. Although, it’s only ever come to that once. Dodging trolls is an acquired skill for sure.


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