I come from a very loving family. Loving, but extremely nosey. Now, coming close to the age of 21, more than ever, they like to constantly ask about my love life and if I’m dating anyone and what they are like and when they will meet them.
I mean, come on guys, it’s not 1950. I don’t need to start figuring out who I want to marry and settle down with. 30 is the new 20. 20 is the new, “I still don’t even know what I want for breakfast, let alone what I want to commit to for the next however long time period.”
So I usually just say, oh, there isn’t anyone at the moment or I’m focusing on me right now, which is occasionally true, but sometimes it isn’t. I like to date. I go on dates, I date around, but I don’t normally have any one specific person that I would consider to be my “boyfriend.”
Why would I kill this great thing I have going?
If I want to go on an adventure or do something crazy, I can just give Jack a call.
If I’m feeling a more low-key night in, maybe ordering a pizza and watching a movie, I give Dave a shout.
If I need a good laugh, I see what Brian is up to.
Etc, etc (Disclaimer: Those are hypothetical situations. I am not dating anyone named Jack or Dave or Brian. I still have jet lag, so I can barely stay awake beyond 10 PM, let alone try to make myself cute and dateable. I need to sleep like it ain’t no one’s business).
But, my theory is this:
If Jack is wild and a great time, and I like him, but he doesn’t want to do the whole, “let’s stay in and cuddle thing”, why should I cut him off completely? No. That’s why I call Dave and we go for pizza. Because Dave gets me in a different way than Jack does. And if I’m not mutually exclusive with either of them; i.e. if they are also dating other people, what does it really matter?
I’m not saying it’s a good thing to go out and establish full blown relationships with more than one person at a time. No, I think that’s wrong and also extremely dumb (it’s 2015 people, we’ve all taken sex ed, STDs aren’t myths). But if you are having fun and going on a few dates here and there with a few different people, you can mix and match all of the traits you are looking for between a few guys. You have more variety and variety is the spice of life, isn’t it? Which maybe that sounds horrible, but eventually, there will be that one guy that comes along and does fit every desired trait. He likes pizza. He makes you laugh. He takes you on adventures. And that’s the guy that you want to keep around. That’s when you stop bullsh*tting with anyone else and DTR (define the relationship, i.e. mutually exclusive dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc).
My other theory:
I’m 20, going on 21 soon enough, and I don’t need to figure out men at the moment. I can be shallow in my choices. I can date a really stupid, hot guy, just because I like the way he looks. I’m not looking for a husband. I’m not even looking for a boyfriend. When it happens, it happens, but right now, I just want to be boy crazy and not really have hose deep rooted things called “feelings” for anyone. Feelings are dumb at 20. Feelings make things complicated and I’m not looking for complicated. I want my most complicated decision to be whether I’m going to the beach or the pool for the afternoon.