How to Get Laid on the Fourth of July

Happy Fourth of Damn July, American Fanz!

I hope that everyone is feeling young and independent and free on this fine holiday. I hope that you’re sweating red, white and blue mixed drinks out while lying on the beach or by the pool to view the star spangled firework show.

I know that I am having a great time visiting my other family (Brix and co.) up in The Middle of Nowhere, PA. We’re enjoying our time off and freedom. Have I mentioned that this is my first fourth of July off from a job in 5 years? NO? Well, it is. And I am taking full advantage of that, poolside, without a care in the world.

I am focusing on me this summer and that includes taking it easy on the dating/boy front, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t put yourselves out there.

I am going to give you a list of America themed chat-up lines to help you find that special someone to get cozy with on that beach blanket under the patriotic light show:

Baby, you’re a firework.

On this Independence Day, I’m learning about important dates in history, do you want to be one of them?

I bet if Jefferson had met you, he would have vetoed the Non-Intercourse Act.

Don’t worry if you’re only wearing stripes because I’ll make you see stars tonight.

Oh say can you see… you and me getting cozy later?

You’re gorgeous. You’re like the Liberty Bell of the ball.

Baby, I’ll have you exercising you’re freedom of speech all night.

You remind me of the Constitution because you look like a National Treasure.

Why don’t we make like the first 13 colonies and multiply?

I’m free; if you’re brave.

I’d start a revolution for your phone number.

Damn baby, you just red, white and blew my mind.

And my personal favorite:

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

I hope that this has helped you score a patriotic night with a good humored, freedom loving date.

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