The Friend That No One Likes

As humans, we gravitate toward people like us, people that we share similar interests with, or people in similar situations as us. At first, friend groups are made up of everyone acting on their best behavior. Typically just excited to not be sitting alone in our rooms on a Saturday night.

In time, the friend group gets comfortable and people start to forget to act “properly” and instead show their true colors.

And in time, in every friend group there is that one friend that no one can stand.

It’s that friend that’s been in the group just as long as everyone else, but for some reason, they drive everyone else bat sh*t crazy. It has everyone weighing the pros and cons of disconnecting with them totally.

If you stay in touch with them, you have to deal with their annoying ticks or assh*le tendencies; but if you stop being friends with them, you’re unleashing them onto another unsuspecting group of people. And each group also has that sympathetic friend who will keep bringing that person back around, because they feel bad.

For example:

Friend 1 (Sympathetic Friend): Should we invite Sally?

Friend 2 (Sally Hater): Ugh, not Sally. She’s the worst.

Friend 3 (Sally Hater): But if we don’t invite Sally, we’ll have to deal with her whining about not being invited after the fact.

Friend 2: But if we do invite Sally; we’ll have to deal with her, in general, and Sally is an assh*ole.

Friend 1: But if we don’t invite Sally, all we’re going to talk about is the fact that we can’t remember who invited Sally to be our friend in the first place.

Friend 4 (Sally): Hey guys, what’s up?

Friend 2: Oh my god, hey Sally! We were just talking about you!

Sally: Really? What? Why? Is everything okay? Are you guys mad at me? I don’t get why everyone hates me.

Friend 1: Sally, calm down! Calm down! We don’t hate you. We were just reminiscing about how we all became friends in the first place.

Sally: Oh! Oh my God! I’m such an idiot! Wow. That’s like forever ago. We totally need to take a trip back to our freshman dorms and recreate some of those old pictures! Well, I’ll see you guys later! It’s Thursday, so pizza and happy hour, am I right?

Everyone else: Okay, bye Sal!

Friend 2: I forgot about freshman year! I forgot that Sally wasn’t always a psychopath.

Friend 3: Yeah, she was actually pretty cool at first.

Friend 1: See guys! She’s not that bad.

Friend 3: Oh no. She wasn’t that bad. At first. But then again; she hasn’t made out with your ex-boyfriend in front of you.

Friend 2: Or thrown up on your brand new shoes that you let her borrow; even though they clearly looked better with your outfit.

And then, the conversation goes on and on and on; because Friend 1 keeps trying to defend Sally and all the good times that you all used to have. Meanwhile, Friends 2 and 3 can’t possibly distinguish anymore good than they could bad. Mostly because it’s only been bad since after the second month of friendship with Sally.

And if you can’t think of someone in your group of friends that fits this scenario; you’re Sally.


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