Everyone Does It

I don’t care what anyone says, you could be the uppiest-uppity dude or the daintiest, flowery, tea drinking lady in the world, farting is still f*cking hysterical.

Don’t try to tell me that you didn’t laugh at the scene in “Bridesmaids” where they are all trying on dresses after eating bad food, where it escalates from a simple farting gag to them literally sh*tting in the sink.

Or the scene in “Step Bothers” where Brennan and Dale are interview with Seth Rogan and Dale cracks one off.

I laugh so hard that I cry. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

You just can’t help but chuckle. It’s so simple. But it is SO funny.

When it happens in real life, it’s really gross. We make a fuss that it smells and that it’s disgusting, but usually we’re still laughing and the underlying sentiment is that it’s hilarious.

I hang out with a ton of guys and they are extremely free with their bodily functions. They burp and fart and couldn’t care less who knows it. They are neanderthals, but they are my neanderthals. I’ve come to expect nothing more or less from them.

But the other day we came to the farting “trump all”. We were out shopping, a pretty normal afternoon. When all of a sudden, the cart pusher, who is subsequently the quietest person in the group who keeps their gas to themselves, who denies that they even poop, let out a really loud public fart in the middle of K-Mart.

There was no denying it.

There was no coughing to cover it up.

There was no blaming it on anyone else.

There was just a shocked silence, everyone looked at each other, then at the culprit who was beet red, then the uproarious laughter commenced.

It’s even funnier when it comes from someone that you least expect.

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