You Can’t Just Tell Someone They’re A Bad Kisser

So, I’ve come to a certain conclusion. I’m a really good kisser. That is a confirmed fact and I could give a list of references if asked. In my time, I’ve come across some people who I have great, as I like to call it, “mouth chemistry” with and others I question if I was their first time ever looking at a girl. So after many trials, I feel that I am able to make a firm conclusion as to when someone else is bad at it.

But apparently it’s really b*tchy to tell someone that they can’t kiss. So I’ve come up with a few alternatives that you could say in case you need to direct someone down a path of enlightenment without overtly hurting their feelings.

Too fast? You say: It’s not a race, how about slowing down?

Too much tongue? You say: I really like it when you keep your tongue on your side of the kiss, we’re not 14 anymore.

Too much spit? You say: No, thank you.

Okay, so maybe those are still b*tchy things to say, but come on. We’re grown ups now. If you don’t understand that girls prefer that you don’t approach them like you’re going to eat their face, who have you been kissing for the past 10 years? Because it was definitely probably yourself in a mirror. That ain’t cute homeboi.

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