I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller

But I am a baller.

I don’t talk about what I actually do for my studies basically ever because I always complain that I don’t like it, but the other day, something weird happened. I actually liked what I am studying.

I study finance by the way.

So as dull as that may sound to others, for me, I’ve spent the last four years learning the intricacies of the stock market, stock exchange, international finance, risk diversification, and a whole list of other terms that could bore you to tears, as it has done for me many times.

But, I am on cloud nine because I had an assignment to do a crazy amount of research and recommend a stock for a real portfolio with hella money in it and my recommendation was picked up and it is making a killer return. In layman’s terms, we paid a little bit for it and now the stock is selling for a way higher price, so the portfolio is growing by the difference in the ending amount ($85) minus the first amount ($65). We’re making about $20 more per share than what we paid.

So, I mean, way to go to that company that I recommended, but really, way to go me. My intuition is strong. I’m a baller. I make mad money. I order strippers during my lunch break. I wear fedoras, have a cane and my pimp hand is so strong.

Don’t f*ck with me today. I’m the mothaf*cking wolf of Wall Street.

Advertisements

To the Fan Who Needs to Know About Flaws~

Question:

What is your biggest insecurity?

Answer:

Insecurities are a tough thing to talk about. We all have them, but when it’s something that we suffer from, we don’t want to bring it to the attention of other people and shine light on it when we are trying to forget or hide the flaw from ourselves.

I have major internal conflicts every other week about the fact that I don’t really know what I’m doing with my life and that I don’t have a set plan yet.

I have insecurities about outward appearance. Being a 21 year old female in a college setting, it’s hard not to compare myself to the people around me. It’s hard not to say, oh if only my hips were a little more slim, or if only my skin were a little more clear.

But then I have to step back and think about, do these things bother me or do they bother me because I think that it’s how I “should” appear based on popular society’s opinion on beauty in women my age?

I am a beautiful girl with a complex and witty personality. Sure, I may not always feel like I meet some star dad of physical beauty, but I know that I can set my own standard. If I am happy with myself and who I am, to hell with the opinion of others.

I feel fortunate that I am able to say these things, because not everyone can win their battle with body confidence. Not everyone can love the skin that their in. But there are organizations out there aimed at helping these people see their own beauty. There are people who want to help them thrive and understand that these blockades and walls that we put up internally, they can be knocked down. The National Organization for Anorexia Nervosa and Associated disorders is one of those organizations. I strongly encourage everyone, whether you suffer with issues in body confidence or eating disorders or you don’t, support this organization. Help save lives. Help spread the word that we are all beautiful, no matter what.

Check out ANAD’s webpage here: http://www.anad.org

XO, Maz

Questions, comments, concerns? Place them in my anonymous ask box: http://ask.fm/mazforthefanz

The Types of Assholes that You Meet on Group Excursions

The Passive Person Problem

I have this problem. And it involves being super passive.

It’s not really a problem for me per say, but a problem that other people have with me.

I have absolutely no problem doing my own thing and going on with my day to day life. It’s a problem for other people because it makes me a “bad communicator.”

I rarely text people first. I don’t really call people. I don’t usually keep up with them on a day to day basis. It’s really not that I don’t care, because I do. It’s just not typically my first idea when I wake up, to contact everyone that I know and ask them how their day is going. I always figure that if they have news or something important that I MUST know, they have my number, they’ll drop me a line.

My closest friends understand it and know that just because sometimes they don’t hear from me for a few weeks, it doesn’t mean that I’m mad or upset at them, it honestly just means that nothing is really going on or that I’m caught up in something important or stressful. I’m just doing my thing and living. They know that if they need me, they can call with no hesitation in my answer and they know that if I need them, I will call.

The other things is that I’m also really great about picking up where I left off with people when I see them in person. I can sometimes go 6-8 months without seeing my oldest best friend, and usually we’ll only talk on the phone maybe every three-five weeks, but when we’re together, we don’t really think about that and we have so much more to catch up on.

So, I guess what I’m getting at is this: to all of the people out there who think that I’m ignoring them or don’t care. I really promise that I’m not and I do care. I just assume that if I don’t hear from you, everything is going alright, just like if I don’t contact you, everything is usually alright for me too. Just because we don’t talk every day, it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you or care about your well being, it just means that I don’t want to interrupt anything if you have a good flow going.

Just A Tuesday Morning Reminder

You are in charge of your own destiny, so go be in charge of it.

Stop doing things because other people expect them of you. Do things because you want to. Do things because it betters you as a person. Do things because you derive pleasure from it. Do things that make YOU happy.

You don’t want to text that person back? Don’t text them.

You don’t want to listen to that song even though everyone else loves it? Don’t listen to it.

You don’t want to answer questions about that guy that you are sort of seeing when people ask? Don’t answer them.

You don’t want to find a job and move to the same city as all of our friends because they want you to? F*cking don’t.

Stop pressuring yourself. You owe it to yourself to be happy first. That other sh*t falls in line eventually, but you can’t give up your own happiness because others expect you to be a certain way.

Putting yourself first does not make you selfish. When you do things that make yourself happy, you radiate a glow, you put out an aura to others. Your happiness is contagious. So be happy and remind yourself that what you want is important to you even if it’s not what is expected of you.

Get out there. Be that person with 100+ unread text messages on your phone. Listen to songs from 2001 while you meet up with that booty call from whatever part of the world you’ve decided to explore. If it makes you feel good, do it.

Every Thought That Runs Through My Head When I’m Not Listening to You

Is this b*tch almost done?

I really need to paint my nails. Maybe I’ll paint them black. I wear black a lot, it would match.

I need new clothes.

But I’m also hungry. Should I buy new clothes or food? It’s a tough decision.

Oh sh*t. I think she just asked me something. Um, quick. Smile. Ask what she thinks.

Okay, she accepted that as a proper response. Cool. I’m clear.

I feel so sorry for people who don’t live near a zoo. Otters are so important.

Do otters have the same visual spectrum as humans?

Do they see more colors than us? Or less? OMG What if otters don’t even know how cute they are? How do otters communicate with each other? Do they make noises? OMG, what if otters could text? What would they say?

Otter 1: LOL did you see Oscar do that backflip?

Otter 2: Yeah, he’s such a show off.

Wow, I wonder if any one texted me? Would it be rude to check? Do I really care?

Oh look, Danny texted me.

What’s up Daniel? Smirky face emoji. No I’m not free later. What about tomorrow?

Oh and Bryan.

Hi Bry. Did I do the homework? Hell no.

Do I ever do the homework that isn’t graded? I feel like he should know the answer to that by now.

Is that a strng personal choice? Maybe not. But I’m skimming by without many noticing.

F*ck, she definitely just wanted me to answer yes or no to something.

“Um…. yes?”

She gives me an incredulous look.

“I meant no. Definitely no.”

And she’s back to gabbing all over again.

“Look, it’s been really great catching up, but I’m kind of busy at the moment with some important stuff that needs to be handled right this minute.”

Then she goes, “Wow Maz, you’re such a great listener. Thanks for really hearing me.”

And I’m like, yep b*tch, no prob, I have literally no idea what you were talking about, but sure.

But really, I’m like “Oh, of course, anytime!”

 

To the Man I Promised Myself I’d Never Write to Again~

Hi,

No extra “i”s in “hi” this time. I won’t drag it out.

No flirting. No jokes. No games.

It has to be done. I can’t cry over you anymore.

Not when I’m drunk. Definitely not when I’m sober. It has to be done.

I can’t keep setting myself up for failure with other guys because I always come back to my “what if” and the great, though brief time we had.

I can’t keep pursuing situations that I know will never pan out because they’re safer than opening myself up to a potentially promising scenario that could potentially not work out and make me feel like sh*t.

I can’t keep pushing people away because I don’t want them to know how much this still affects me.

I can’t keep lying to myself, over and over again. I cared about you. I really, honestly did. And I still do. And it scares me and it hurts like a motherf*cker.

Yes, I’d say that largely, the reason I care about you so much is because of how in love I was with myself and where I was in life. You happened to be there during that time period, a time that took my world by storm especially when I hadn’t been that happy in a very long while. Your place in that happiness still holds such a special spot in my heart and mind. That is something that I will never forget or allow to be diminished.

But the reality check I need to force myself to see is that beyond the memories, it has to be done.

No more texting you at 2 AM. No more crying and blaming it on every reason but the truth. No more holding this picture of something that was “amazing” in my head and comparing everything else to it.

It’s time to move on. It’s time to realize that even though I can still care about you; I have so much more of me to give to someone that isn’t a “what if” or a “maybe one day”.

I need to focus on the now. I need to focus on the people in front of me.

And if “maybe one day” comes at a time where we are both ready for it. That would be incredible, but it’s time to stop depending on the word “if”. It’s time to be done for a while. It has to be done.

Always I wish you the best,

M.