We All Have A Dennis

Interesting fact about me, I absolutely love poetry. I love to read it, I used to love to write it, and I really love spoken-word. This is one of my all time favorites and I wanted to share it with you, it’s also what is going to be my inspiration for writing up until Valentine’s Weekend:

Have a great weekend everyone! XO, Maz

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What Depression Is Like

I am 21 years old and still feel the aftershocks of being diagnosed with depression when I was 15 years old. In those six years, I have learned coping mechanism that are much healthier and I can even say that although I will feel the grips of depression tugging on the hem of my shirt from time to time, for the most part, I am happy and I am living my life without this crippling fear that I could succumb to the beast at any moment.

But, this blog is less about that story than it is me trying to say that when people say they are depressed, people look at them funny. People look at you like, “well, everyone has sad days, can’t you just get over it?” No. No you can’t. Depression is a disease. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that involves the slower firing of synapses. It’s not something that you can just “get over” and it is something that never truly, fully goes away.

And I can only speak from personal experience, as I truly believe that it is a disease that is different for every person diagnosed with it, but it can be crippling. It’s not this thing where you can just mope around and still make it through your day, sometimes it is debilitating to your life. Sometimes you physically can’t bring yourself to get out of bed or even answer a simple text message acknowledging that you are still around, even if you’re not out and about. It’s not just sadness. It’s hopelessness. It’s anxiety. It’s fear. It’s over-analysis of every single minute detail. It’s not a monster under your bed or a pie chart. It’s a very serious disorder that unfortunately there is no real cure for. Instead we look to the next best thing. Instead of a cure, we have to find ways to lessen the side effects.

This sometimes means medication, different therapies, or any combination of the two.

But this must be said. People with depressive disorders, even on medication or involved with therapy will never see a single result or alleviation of any symptoms unless they decide that they want to help themselves. We have this hero complex where we think that we can save the damsel in distress. We think that there is something in us that would be able to make someone see the light. The truth of the matter is, you cannot save someone who is depressed. You cannot be their hero. The only hero that could ever rescue them is their own willpower and desire to see the light at the end of the dark, depressive tunnel. And for some it may take a while to see that, if they ever do at all. It’s just a matter of strength and desire to be stronger than the disease. Falling victim to derision is the easy part. It’s the climbing back from it that takes determination.

To the Fan Who Needs to Know About Life~

Question:

Why do some people enjoy life and others don’t?

Answer:

Simple. Some people are lovers of life other people are just livers of life.

Wow liver. Gross.

But what I mean is that some people enjoy everything for what it is in that moment. They love the life that they are living and live it to its fullest. They are not content with settling and hunt for the best thing out there, finding new adventures or hobbies or interests in life’s extraordinary ecosystem of opportunity.

And some people live life mundanely, dreading each passing day because either they don’t know what’s out there or they don’t care to look for something better.

I think everyone has a tendency to fall into both categories from time to time. I definitely have my days where I can’t be bothered to get out of bed for more than an hour. BUT I also have this insatiable wanderlust. I want to see what there is in the world. I can’t settle because what if by settling I miss out on the greatest thing that could ever happen to me?

Just some food for thought.

XO, Maz

Questions, comments, concerns? Place them in my anonymous ask box:

http://ask.fm/mazforthefanz

Haters Gonna Hate, But I Can’t Shake It Off

In 100%, genuine honesty, I think that I am a relatively decent human being. I very rarely think to myself; “oh you’re sh*t. Just go back to bed, maybe try again tomorrow or don’t, who would really care anyway?”

I mean, yes. I know that I can be egocentric and sometimes hard to deal with, but in the times that those occurrences happen, it’s usually around my mom or my best friend who just understands that it’s a mini-phase that I will get over quickly; and then be back to my merry self.

In my every day life, I try to be humble. I try to be funny and fun and full of energy. I try to learn about the people around me and what interests them or at least something interesting about them. I try to make friends and enjoy being myself. At the risk of sounding egotistical, it’s usually pretty rare that I come across a person who dislikes me from the get go. But it does happen. And it has happened quasi-recently. I met someone who decidedly dislikes me as a person. And while I’m okay with the fact that they dislike me, what I don’t like is the fact that I don’t know why.

I have tried and tried to wrap my brain around why this person seems to have a general dissatisfaction with me, but I keep coming up blank. I’m not trying to be perfect or defend myself or make myself seem like a victim. Because trust me, being a victim is something that I will ever allow myself to do in this lifetime, but I can’t seem to recall saying more than three sentences to this person directly and there they are, constantly putting me down. I genuinely have no idea what I have done to be the recipient of such harsh comments and it really bothers me.

I could normally brush off a “hater,” but that’s usually because I know what I have done to receive their harshness. In this case, I feel totally in the dark. I hate that it bothers me so much. I hate the fact that I have no control in this situation and that I am seriously clueless when it comes to the reasoning behind the negativity. I hate it. I just absolutely hate it.

I know that it’s not one of those situations where this person is picking on me because they don’t know how to be my friend because, obviously, we’re not in grammar school anymore. We’ve outgrown that phase.

I just wish that this person could be adult enough to say, “You know, I have an issue with you because of reasons A, B, and C.” I would feel better knowing that there were legitimate reasons or things that I could potentially correct or apologize for, rather than being in this spate of unconsciousness to the problems that remain.

UGH. Seriously, drop me a hint, because I am certainly not a mind reader, and I don’t pretend or try to be either. Let me know how I can make this better. Maybe not for you, but for my own brain to rest at least.

The Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy is an ugly emotion. It is not fair. It strikes at random times and it makes you feel like sh*t.

There’s different types of jealousy too, some worse than others.

It’s like, if you’re jealous of a celebrity or someone with tons of money; you can just feel that jealousy for no reason. You don’t have to feel badly for coveting what they have. You can be a hater “just because”.

But, when you’re jealous of a friend, you have to take a step back and really think about it. Like, do you have a right to be jealous? It’s a giant challenge. I know that I should really be super happy for my friend, but I am so outrageously jealous that it clouds the other emotions and I just feel bitter.

I am so glad that they are getting what they want. And I guess it’s not that I don’t want them to have it; but I want it in my own way too.

I wish that I didn’t feel like an upset little brat and that I could just be happy for them; but let’s face it; jealousy makes me an upset little brat and I have a hard time feeling happy when I am feeling like sh*t for not getting my way.

Love Won

I am not a person who likes to comment on politics. I think that making commentary on social issues is a slippery slope that unfortunately often leads to an argument, but I implore you to read this article in its entirety before making any comments or imposing opinions.

Yesterday, the American Supreme Court dictated that all marriage was to be made equal across the board.

ABOUT F*CKING TIME AMERICA.

Was it not written, more than two centuries ago, in one of the founding principles of our nation (The Declaration of Independence) that we were to become a union based on the unalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

And now, I know that’s taking it way back, and plenty of arguments can be made about how the Declaration of Independence is racist and sexist (unfortunately, issues which still need to be addressed in today’s society) but I would like to focus solely on the words used. Look at the foundation. It was always meant that as a nation of people, we should be afforded the right to pursue happiness. If that happiness is two men, two women, or a man and a woman, falling in love and joining together in marriage, how dare we try to stop that?

Saying that gay marriage defiles the sanctity of a marriage between a man and a woman is like saying that having a second child mars the love that parents have for their first child. It’s ridiculous, untrue and the two events have no correlation.

My question to married heterosexuals: What is so threatening about gay marriage? Is Tom marrying Harry or Jackie marrying Jill such an inconvenience to you? What makes it any of your business? You aren’t asked to provide evidence for what occurs behind closed doors in your house, nor are they. What is so hard about loving and letting others love who they want?

Try thinking like this: What if you had to fight for decades to have the person that you love be allowed to enter a hospital room with you in case of an emergency? What if, unfortunately, something terrible were to occur to your life partner and you could not receive any support or benefits upon their demise? What would you do? Why should anyone be denied these seemingly simple and basic comforts strictly because their gender in relation to their partner’s?

Quite frankly, when it comes down to religion; there is never going to be an answer because arguments can be made in every direction. That’s the point of so many religions being based on one book. There are different interpretations, none more right than the next.

But as a nation, how are we expected to advance without respect? Just because a person does not share the same values, religion or set of moral indoctrination as you, it doesn’t make them wrong. It makes them different and to not respect differences is to do a disservice to not only yourself but to the people around you. You may not agree with decisions made by others, but what right does that give you to be discourteous?

People in the LGBTQA community have fought tirelessly for this victory of marriage equality, building their case, not by tearing down heterosexual marriage, but by choosing to embrace what all marriages should have in common; (gay or straight) which is love. Yesterday was a great day. Yesterday, love won.

Qualities of a Great Friend

You’re a great friend if you ask me before posting or tagging me in that picture where I look like a psycho hose beast.

You’re a great friend if you help me plan a totally swanky VIP party, filled with music, dancing, a frozen yogurt bar, a champagne glass tower, a slip n’ slide, and every other reckless idea for the one day hypothetical launch of a business that we’ve only hypothetically spoken about.

You’re a great friend if you text me after seeing that totally angsty subtweet to that guy that I’m sort of seeing or crushing on and tell me to cut the bullish*t out because I’m too good for him.

You’re a great friend if you see that I’m having a bad hair day, but you don’t acknowledge it because you know that I’m sensitive about it.

You’re a great friend if you actually reply to my #replychugs on snapchat.

You’re a great friend if you covertly start giving me water at some point in the night, when I really shouldn’t have another drink.

You’re a great friend if you recognize when I’m acting crazy strictly because I’m hungry, and you suggest a snack break. #haveasnickers #you’renotyouwhenyou’rehungry

You’re a great friend if you know that when I say, “I was talking to my boyfriend earlier” I probably mean “I was tweeting at Harry Styles earlier.”

You’re a great friend if you will play dress up with me as I go through every single piece of clothing that I own and end up settling on the very first thing that I tried on.

You’re a great friend if I can call you at 3 AM, knowing that you’ll pick up just to listen to me rant about something significant that happened in pop culture that week or because I have a crazy idea for something that I want to do or craft or a place I want to visit.

You’re a great friend if you don’t judge me when I ask to hear that Whitney song one more time.

You’re a great friend if you don’t judge me when I also do the dance to the Whitney song one more time.

You’re a great friend if you yell at me instead of giving me some passive aggressive bullish*t that I’m expected to interpret in one way or another if we ever have a disagreement.

You’re a great friend if you know that although I don’t really cry, like hardly ever, I use the phrases “I’m crying” or “I’m sobbing” constantly, though they hold no truth. Similarly, you probably also know the very few things that actually do make me cry.

You’re a great friend if you know my reasons for disliking Taylor Swift, but you also understand that I make exceptions for certain songs because they are just so damn catchy and don’t comment when I’m belting them out in the club.

You’re a great friend if you know that I am only so tough on you sometimes out of love.

You’re a great friend if you don’t find my constant lip syncing challenges on snapchat weird.

You’re a great friend if you recognize that we probably get along so well because we’re both weird as f*ck.