College is Hard

I don’t wanna. I can’t. Stop making me.

I’m at that point where I am so close to graduation, so it would be a total waste of an investment of $80k+ to drop out, but not gonna lie, I consider it daily.

College would not be so bad if there wasn’t homework and we got paid to be there. Oh right, so a job.

College is a job and I’m not even getting paid. And don’t whine at me with this bullish*t about “you get paid with grades and a degree.” No. That is not payment. That is good collateral damage after sleepless nights, billions of written words, grade haggling with professors, and so many meals not made by my chef/genius mom.

I thought that last semester was hard. I was a whiny lil b*tch because I was heart broken, I was eating my feelings and London was 3,500 miles away. But no, nope, I think it might just be that being a senior sucks.

I can’t d*ck around with my friends every single night because the thesis writing has amassed in not sleeping due to writing endlessly. I can’t keep drinking because my liver can’t handle it. Neither can my metabolism. I have to find a job because I have to pay my student loans six months after graduation. I have to pay rent and bills and still have spending money when my friends want to do adult things like having real conversations over a nice dinner. What the hell?

I’m over it. Can I be a junior again? Less commitment to adulthood.



To the Fan Who Wants to Know About Chinese Food~


What do you want right now?


Well, you could refer to the Christmas list that I wrote last week or I could talk about some other things that I’d really like at the moment.

I’m sort of torn between Mexican food and Chinese food, I could also really go for some Pho.

Right now, I’d also really like for the stress breakout that is disrupting my face to go away.

I’d like for my bag back to Philly to pack itself.

For my nervousness to cease existing so that I can go back to being carefree and stupid.

For my inspiration to come back. I don’t know what happened but it’s like I’ve hit a brick wall. I don’t want to take another hiatus, but I am struggling to find any type of writing inspiration. Maybe I need to get my heart broken again or find something to fall in love with, whether it’s a hobby, a place or a book. I just need to do something.

I want something I guess. I just don’t know what that something is.

XO, Maz

Questions, comments, concerns? Place them in my anonymous ask box:

The F*ck Right Off List

Ever have a person that you’d like to tell to “f*ck right off”? In my house we keep a list. It’s also know as a “Go List” because that person can just go. Just leave. Get out. Go.

This week the list is jam-packed. So instead of reaching out individually, I’m just going to do a massive F*ck Right Off List. If you see your name or something that could relate to you, it probably is you and you can f*ck right off.

-The person who throws trash in my trashcan. You’re disgusting.

-Final exams, studying for finals, final papers. Nope. Just go.

-Keegan, E#2, Jake From Statefarm, Val, Max, and other miscellaneous stupid idiots. 100% f*ck right off. Stop watching my snap story assh*les, I deleted you all for a reason.

-Mr. Something. You’re cute and it’s damn annoying.

-The person who broke the thermostat off the wall in my house. You’re a d*ck and now I have no heat or way to control it.

-That professor who gave rolling deadlines. I’m going to procrastinate forever. So thanks for nothing.

-Exercise. F*ck RIGHT off.

-Stress breakout, you are a gigantic d*uchebag.

-Pushy people who can’t leave me alone. GTFO.

-Donald Trump.

If you didn’t make this list. Thanks for not pissing me off this week.




Just A Tuesday Morning Reminder

You are in charge of your own destiny, so go be in charge of it.

Stop doing things because other people expect them of you. Do things because you want to. Do things because it betters you as a person. Do things because you derive pleasure from it. Do things that make YOU happy.

You don’t want to text that person back? Don’t text them.

You don’t want to listen to that song even though everyone else loves it? Don’t listen to it.

You don’t want to answer questions about that guy that you are sort of seeing when people ask? Don’t answer them.

You don’t want to find a job and move to the same city as all of our friends because they want you to? F*cking don’t.

Stop pressuring yourself. You owe it to yourself to be happy first. That other sh*t falls in line eventually, but you can’t give up your own happiness because others expect you to be a certain way.

Putting yourself first does not make you selfish. When you do things that make yourself happy, you radiate a glow, you put out an aura to others. Your happiness is contagious. So be happy and remind yourself that what you want is important to you even if it’s not what is expected of you.

Get out there. Be that person with 100+ unread text messages on your phone. Listen to songs from 2001 while you meet up with that booty call from whatever part of the world you’ve decided to explore. If it makes you feel good, do it.

Every Thought That Runs Through My Head When I’m Not Listening to You

Is this b*tch almost done?

I really need to paint my nails. Maybe I’ll paint them black. I wear black a lot, it would match.

I need new clothes.

But I’m also hungry. Should I buy new clothes or food? It’s a tough decision.

Oh sh*t. I think she just asked me something. Um, quick. Smile. Ask what she thinks.

Okay, she accepted that as a proper response. Cool. I’m clear.

I feel so sorry for people who don’t live near a zoo. Otters are so important.

Do otters have the same visual spectrum as humans?

Do they see more colors than us? Or less? OMG What if otters don’t even know how cute they are? How do otters communicate with each other? Do they make noises? OMG, what if otters could text? What would they say?

Otter 1: LOL did you see Oscar do that backflip?

Otter 2: Yeah, he’s such a show off.

Wow, I wonder if any one texted me? Would it be rude to check? Do I really care?

Oh look, Danny texted me.

What’s up Daniel? Smirky face emoji. No I’m not free later. What about tomorrow?

Oh and Bryan.

Hi Bry. Did I do the homework? Hell no.

Do I ever do the homework that isn’t graded? I feel like he should know the answer to that by now.

Is that a strng personal choice? Maybe not. But I’m skimming by without many noticing.

F*ck, she definitely just wanted me to answer yes or no to something.

“Um…. yes?”

She gives me an incredulous look.

“I meant no. Definitely no.”

And she’s back to gabbing all over again.

“Look, it’s been really great catching up, but I’m kind of busy at the moment with some important stuff that needs to be handled right this minute.”

Then she goes, “Wow Maz, you’re such a great listener. Thanks for really hearing me.”

And I’m like, yep b*tch, no prob, I have literally no idea what you were talking about, but sure.

But really, I’m like “Oh, of course, anytime!”


When Maz Has a Question for the Fanz~


What do you do when you know you’re being super annoying about something but you still can’t stop thinking or talking about it? Maybe you tell many different people about said annoying thing or maybe you keep bombarding the same person with it? My ultimate question is how do I stop annoying other people and myself?

For example, totally hypothetical and not what I am doing at all, say you come up with this elaborate idea in your head that one of the men that you may sort of like is purposely ignoring you but every once in a while throws you a “hey” and also says something in his snapchat story that you know that he would never say, ever, but you say and have said it to him multiple times; and you’re almost certain that he just indirected you.  Then you call in all the people you know to tell you if you’re crazy and most say no, but one says yeah, and you’re just like; gloomy emoji.

Again, that’s totally hypothetical, off the top of my head something that I think could potentially make someone annoyed or annoying.

So fanz: HELP. Tell me how to stop.

Just Stop It

Ever have someone in your life who treats you like a total defective?

Maybe they baby you. Maybe they walk on egg shells when they speak to you. Or maybe they constantly question if you’re sure of yourself.

Newsflash: I am sure and I am not easily broken. Your coddling is just pissing me off.

Talk to me like I’m a human being. Don’t talk to me like what you say is going to break me or set me off because trust me, there’s been a way more important person in my life who did that a long time ago. It’s not so easy to do again.

I would much rather you not speak to me, to be perfectly honest. The constant questions, “are you okay?” and “are you sure you want/don’t want to do that?” are doing nothing but make me feel worse.