It’s currently 11 PM on Saturday night, I’ve just arrived at my friend BB’s house, I have not consumed a single drink. This is “stasis” as I’m calling it. We’re going to have a little experiment. See how my train of thought progresses once every half of an hour until eventually slumber encompasses me. There will be a drink count given, and a new topic discussed. No promises to make it beyond 4 entries. I may forget.
11.30 PM – Drink Count: Half a Bottle of Chardonnay
“You know you’re in too deep when your first glass of wine contains half the bottle.” –BB.
Topics of discussion: Having a theme song while changing your clothing (“Changing the world as I change my pants” to the tune of “Joy to the World”).
Having a closet like Hannah Montana and London Tipton’s mirror that tells her how she looks as she tries on clothes.
Our friend Mike shows up! Hey Mike!
Conversation continued: The odor of wine and it’s floral fragrance that ferments the room. Cutting the dry wine with fruit punch to give it the taste of the Hawaiian tropics.
“Mmmm. Tastes like I’m in Hawaii. Who wants to get lei’d!?” –BB
12 AM – Drink Count: Resting on the Hawaiian Chardonnay
“We’ve hit a plateau.” –BB.
Topics of conversation: It took a dark turn. We talked about cancer, sh*tting your pants as an adult, Disney World and discussing reincarnation.
“If I were to die and come back I’d like to be Idina Menzel’s hairbrush.” –Mike.
12.30 AM – Drink Count: Hawaiian Punch, plus a very largess rum and Coca-Cola9
“I can’t find the pan-cils.” –BB.
Topics of conversation: Having perfect pitch in singing, then the drink tray came out and the bottle had a killer whale on it, so we discussed my open phobia of killer whales in captivity which stems from the smash hit documentary, “Blackfish.” Then I tried to play the piano and it sounded like the dog on Youtube that plays the piano (AKA, bad). Then the conversation turned to Miranda Sings and the “Charlie, Charlie” Challenge. Which turned to us trying to find pencils in order to participate in the Charlie, Charlie challenge.
“I’m not familiar.” –Mike on Sea World Killer Whales.
1 AM – Drink Count: Settling Fruit Punch and Killer Whale Rum ‘n Coke
“’He said she ain’t have no nipples’ – Kevin Hart.” – BB.
Topics of Conversation: No Conversation. Just a straight half an hour of club style dancing, wall twerking and strobe effects.
“Margarita time!” –BB.
1.30 AM – Drink Count: Punch, Killer Whale Juice, plus Mudslides!
“We’re out of ice! I had to improvise!” –BB as she makes mudslides with ice cream instead of margaritas with ice.
Topics of Conversation: Tindering for dates. Taking pictures off the wall to avoid breaking them while continuing to try to wall twerk. The consequences of wearing a hood indoors at night. Ariana Grande and her attitude problems. How BB is Tinder famous. How Maz can’t snap at all.
“I said ‘LOL I already did!’” –BB on receiving a message about enjoying her wine.
2 AM – Drink Content: Fruit punch, whale juice, milk shakes and Tequila Shots
“I just threw up out of my nose, how does that happen?” –BB.
Topics of Discussion: The benefits of swearpants. “I feel like King of the Hill!”, “Where did my life just go?”, 80’s mashups are so the rage. Let’s do it. We can make an 80’s mashup. Like Glee!
:Now I taste all the tequila that didn’t make it down my throat!” =BB.
2.30 AM – Drinks: Everything but the kitchen sink and angry Orchard Hard Ciders
“I need to snort some soap to get the smell away” –BB.
Topics of Discussion: I gotta stand up cause I gotta pee. Ashton Irwin is a babe. Like. A lot. He’s so cute. Huey Lewis said that it’s the power of love that makes me feel this way. I want ot be Jesse’s girl, to make Rick jealous. None of my English matches are awake on TRiner. Whip it by Devo is amaze. You must whio it. What did we talk about> cannot be determined. “Cha” on Tinder. Are yoy even real? That’s not even a name. what? Sorry Noah. Comma comma comma chameleon.
“Excuse me. That is mot a name sir.: – BB.
9 AM –Drink Count: One Gallon of Water
“I have to throw out my toothbrush and try again.” –BB.