Something Cool that Someone Told Me

You know when someone gives you a cool idea and you like it so much that you want to share it with other people? That’s what this is.

Clearly, you all know that I write a lot, I write to express my emotions and I write to tell stories and a friend gave me this idea, which I believe she got from someone else, but exactly like I said, it’s a great idea to share. So the idea is that when you start a relationship with someone, from the very first meeting write down how they make you feel. Keep it up. It’s like a thought journal, but solely dedicated to one person.

You can write down when they piss you off or when they make you so happy that you could explode. You can read through it if you forget something or need to be reminded of a special way that they make you feel.

It’s just an idea for any of you out there in the beginning stages of a relationship or maybe for some of you that just want to be able to reflect on the relationship that you currently have.

Then, when you finish the journal or the relationship, you have it as a keepsake to remind you of the things that went right and the things that went wrong, or the things that you want to improve in your next relationship.

I just thought that was a really cool idea. And, I know that I write a lot on my blog about men and the things that are going on in my life and I love sharing stories with the fanz that make me happy or laugh or scream, but having a private journal to really open up, you know about the things you don’t want your grandma reading, well that could be extremely cathartic. But mostly, I was just sharing this thought if some of you were looking for a way to express emotions but wanted to keep it personal at the same time.

An Open Letter to the Guy I’ll Always Fantasize About~

Thank you.

I’m not starting with “hi!”, I’m starting with thank you, because have you seen yourself in the mirror? Wow. Really, wow. You are a treat.

I don’t really know anything about you, whatsoever, other than when I see you, it gets a whole lot of emotions stirring, mostly lustful ones because again, wow. I always hope that you’re smart. You look like you should be smart, but you also look like you might use that smartness in a d*uchey way, which, let’s be real, is also hot.

I don’t fantasize that you’re very nice because, if I ever do grow a pair and approach you and you are as kind as you are beautiful, man I’m going to launch myself at you, climb you like a tree, as it were. Homie, you’re going down like a sack of potatoes. Good luck.

Keep wearing that peacoat around town, looking mighty fine. It does not go unappreciated.

Sincerely Yours (In My Dreams),

Maz

An Open Letter to the One I Always Break the Rules For~

Hi, hey, hello,

How’ve ya been? Good? Good. That’s good.

That’s really good. And I mean that. I actually love that you’re happy. I love that you’re in a good place and that you are smiling and that it has nothing to do with me.

I’ve waited for the day that this would make me happy and not jealous. And it finally has.

I haven’t forgotten what I felt with and about you and I sometimes have moments where I wonder if those feelings will ever go away. I hope that they don’t. Because I don’t want to forget that happy girl on the hill as the sunset. I don’t want to forget the laughter bouncing off of the steps of the statue. Or the sense of wonder felt exploring the market for the first time. I have no desire to forget that or you.

And I know that I don’t need to forget or diminish in order to feel that same level of happiness elsewhere. I can still hold those moments closely, but still feel the happiness of the moments that I live here and now. And I think that’s why I’m not jealous anymore, because I know that you can do the same.

I’m glad that you’re happy and I hope that you’re glad that I am too,

M

An Open Letter to an Ex-Whatever~

Hi! I’m sorry I went AWOL last week, I had the flu and couldn’t determine up from down, let alone write anything worth while. So, we interrupt our normal Ask Maz Monday programming to give you what was promised last week, which were “love” letters; so without furtherer ado, Love Letter #1:

Dear Ex-Whatever,

I have to admit that I was a little surprised when I got your text. I was a little surprised that one) I was hearing from you and two) you weren’t being a total d*uchebag. Actually, change that little surprise to shocked. I was shocked.

I was a little excited, because let’s face it, you’re hot. But then I remembered how you treated me. And before I replied with, “hey! I’m good, how have you been? We should catch up some time!” I stepped away, took a picture of the trashcan in my kitchen and sent it with the caption: “this reminded me of you.”

Just because you have a pretty face, doesn’t mean you can treat a person the way that you did and then expect to come back whenever you’re bored or between flings. It doesn’t work like that. I’m too busy for the games you play and I respect myself far too much than to allow myself to be the second choice. So next time you think about texting me, unless it’s an apology and a 15 step plan of how you’ve changed and intend to be better, you can politely f*ck off.

Have a great V-Day, hope you get VD,

Maz

To the Guy Who Makes My Best Friend Sad~

What’s good, f*cker?

Have you lived a full life? Are you happy with the things you’ve done? Could you die right now knowing that you left your mark on the world? Because if not, you might want to get those things in line because I’m about ready to kill you.

Nothing is worse than seeing your best friend sad or upset or crying, especially nothing is worse than when it is caused by someone that you know is so not worth their time. Watching them trying to figure out what “they did wrong” makes me want to vomit.

You are just an assh*le who didn’t recognize this beautiful creature lurking right before you, and abide by their simple request, whether it be for space or for more of your time. So, basically, if I didn’t already think you’re an idiot and scum, I certainly do now.

I also can’t tell you how many times I tell my best friend to let you go. And just know, that if they ever do go back to you, I will bite my tongue since you’re already dead to me, but the second you slip out of line, you’re toast. I know people who know people. The Jersey Italians will know your address.

Signed,

A Supremely Pissed Off Best Friend

 

To the Man Who Reminded Me How Fun It Is To Have A Crush~

Hello Mr. Something;

Welcome to the world of Maz. I hope you decide to stay a while, because, what can I say? You are a shining example of a perfect crush. And I haven’t had a really good one of those in a while.

You’re terribly inappropriate. You make me laugh, a ton. You like to do things that are questionable at best. You don’t know the first thing about properly communicating with a woman outside of in-person meetings or you do and you just are purposely trying to up your cool factor. You’re a little bit reckless (I mean, making out at stop lights while driving? Come on. That’s dangerous.). You’re mysterious in a totally open, yet not open at all type of way. You’re like a puzzle that you don’t want anyone to figure out.

You’re charming too. You display all of the qualities of someone who could easily charm the skirt off of a nun. It’s that sort of mischievous glint in your eye. You’re trouble. Absolutely.

You seem like a pretty terrible decision, but I’m great at making those.

XO, Maz

To the Man I Promised Myself I’d Never Write to Again~

Hi,

No extra “i”s in “hi” this time. I won’t drag it out.

No flirting. No jokes. No games.

It has to be done. I can’t cry over you anymore.

Not when I’m drunk. Definitely not when I’m sober. It has to be done.

I can’t keep setting myself up for failure with other guys because I always come back to my “what if” and the great, though brief time we had.

I can’t keep pursuing situations that I know will never pan out because they’re safer than opening myself up to a potentially promising scenario that could potentially not work out and make me feel like sh*t.

I can’t keep pushing people away because I don’t want them to know how much this still affects me.

I can’t keep lying to myself, over and over again. I cared about you. I really, honestly did. And I still do. And it scares me and it hurts like a motherf*cker.

Yes, I’d say that largely, the reason I care about you so much is because of how in love I was with myself and where I was in life. You happened to be there during that time period, a time that took my world by storm especially when I hadn’t been that happy in a very long while. Your place in that happiness still holds such a special spot in my heart and mind. That is something that I will never forget or allow to be diminished.

But the reality check I need to force myself to see is that beyond the memories, it has to be done.

No more texting you at 2 AM. No more crying and blaming it on every reason but the truth. No more holding this picture of something that was “amazing” in my head and comparing everything else to it.

It’s time to move on. It’s time to realize that even though I can still care about you; I have so much more of me to give to someone that isn’t a “what if” or a “maybe one day”.

I need to focus on the now. I need to focus on the people in front of me.

And if “maybe one day” comes at a time where we are both ready for it. That would be incredible, but it’s time to stop depending on the word “if”. It’s time to be done for a while. It has to be done.

Always I wish you the best,

M.